Today is National Suicide Prevention Day. If we can celebrate National Ice Cream Day with passion then we can celebrate National Suicide Prevention Day. I mean, it actually brings awareness to those who may not understand the reasons that someone would attempt to take their life while providing resources for those who struggle.
Here are some things that I have learned about while on my journey.
1. According to many people I don't look like I struggle with depression.
2. According to close friends they never would've thought I would attempt suicide.
3. According to too many people to count I needed more faith to be healed. The guilt and shame that I experienced as a result of this left me feeling like I wasn't a good enough Christian and contributed to my decision to attempt suicide.
4. I've learned that there is nothing wrong with being honest about my mental state if it would keep me alive.
5. I've learned that prolonged treatment works best for me. You have to find what works for you.
6. I've learned that my support system WILL support me if I allow them to support me.
7. I've learned that just because I have a depressive episode that doesn't mean that I will make another attempt.
8. I've learned that when I stay in bed for more than 3 days I'm having a depressive episode. This is powerful because now I can identify it and I can start fighting it sooner which means it'll end sooner.
9. I've learned how to use my mental health tool bag in order to fight depressive episodes. I surround myself with visual reminders of the truth. I give myself grace when I don't have the energy to be productive. I share my feelings with people in my inner circle. I force myself to do things like take a ride, going for a walk, going where there are people even if I don't interact with them, and trying new things. I practice self-care by taking long showers, getting upgraded pedicures, and being intentional about doing nice things for myself.
10. The most important thing that I've learned on my journey is to trust myself. It took quite a while for me to forgive myself after my attempt. It took even longer to trust myself. People who have attempted suicide are more likely to make another attempt. I made 2, subconsciously 3, attempts to end my pain but now I trust myself not to make another attempt. For 9 years I lived with the fear that I might try it again because I had not learned to deal with my emotions properly. To be totally transparent I put on the mask numerous days so that others wouldn't catch on to the fact that I never felt safe in my own skin. I was in therapy, and taking various medications but I didn't feel safe. I felt a good deal of shame because of this. After hospital stays, a breakdown, and a couple of intense therapy programs I still didn't feel safe. It wasn't until I made it though 2020 that I began to walk in healing. My diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder Recurrent with Schizoid Features, I am not diagnosed with suicide, There is a difference. When I began to separate the two I was able to live in my healing, and that was a game changer! There is no shame in getting help. My life is worth living and your life is worth it too!
If you or someone you know is in crisis please seek help. Call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988,
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