2021 has been a year of growth. It began when God told me that I wasn't going to work this year. I wasn't sure what that would mean for me in a number of areas. I will admit I was afraid. The phrase that God gave me to carry with me through this year is "Trust God more than I trust my fears''. Blind trust has never been something that I've excelled at. I like to be in control. Needless to say there was a learning curve.
One lesson that I have learned is that learning never stops. Just when I think I have something down I realize that I will continually have to work in that area. For example, I learned that I am not in control. Whenever I have thought that I was in control this year I quickly realize that I am not. Fear of lack of control, or any other fear, can be paralyzing. I was determined not to get stuck in my fear. It’s like playing the Trust Game with yourself. Do I trust myself enough to fall back blindly? Sometimes I do and other times I don’t. I can honestly say that I have done more this year out of blind faith than I ever have in my adult life.
I've learned that I'm stronger than I thought I was both physically and mentally. Physically, I have done things that I never imagined. It had been so long since I was physically active and I had a laundry list of reasons why. Going to the gym has been a process for me. It has been physically demanding and I had to learn not to psych myself out (Trust Game). I can't say that I necessarily like working out, but I have gotten to the place where my body, my knees especially, crave muscular movement. I do like how working out can change my mood. Working out doesn't come easy to me. There have been a few days that I gave up on myself. However, I went back and now I can say I have had 100 days of physical activity. Shout out to me for trying! Way to go Lorna!
Mentally, I have grown so much! I have amazed myself with the progress I have made. Dealing with my mental health issues has been way harder than my physical workouts. I had to unlearn some very unhealthy habits. I had to distance myself from some toxic people. More importantly I accepted myself for who I am. I now set clear boundaries, put myself first, and consistently take care of my emotional needs. It’s weird but I was comfortable in my depression because I knew what to expect. Now I’m comfortable in my healing despite not knowing what to expect.
Learning has taken on a totally different meaning for me in 2021. I've learned that people struggle with their mental health than is talked about. My blog, Worth It, came about because God gave me a purpose for my attempt. My struggles with my mental health were to be used to help others with theirs. In telling my story countless people have reached out and thanked me for what I am doing. They have told me how various blogs and social media posts have impacted them. If I don't learn another thing this year I am grateful for this knowledge more than anything. One of the things that depression does that is good is knowing you never want anyone to feel what you feel. If my journey can help someone to take better care of themselves, or to seek help when they cannot get better on their own, then it really is all worth it.
I will not publish a blog next week. I will be using that time to recharge and to do some intentional self care. My next blog will be released on January 5th 2022. Here's to hoping that the end of 2021 serves you well. You Are Worth It!
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