Transformation Part 1

2021 has been a year of healing and discovery for me. I have actively pursued activities that push me outside of my comfort zone or things that I have never done before. My goal was to learn how to live and not just exist. Mental illness can rob you of some wonderful experiences. I felt like I was robbed of 10 years and I wanted my time back. Of course that isn’t possible, but it was possible for me to “start where I was, to use what I had, and to do what I can” in the words of the late Arthur Ashe.

When I began to intentionally experience life I had no idea what all it would involve. My faith allowed me to trust God more than my fears. I left my job as a school counselor December of 2020 to focus on healing. I was heartbroken over the loss of my father and I was struggling with the grief that was consuming me. Leaving my job was all God needed me to do because from that day to this day I have been on an adventure that I could never have imagined or dreamed.

I started this journey small. I ordered a subscription from a flower company. This is not something I would’ve done at any other time in my life because I felt like it was frivolous. It wasn’t. I learned several things as a result of having the subscription. The first thing that I learned was that I like having flowers in the house. Second, I found that I enjoy more vibrantly colored flowers versus pastels. The final, and most important, thing that I learned as a result of getting a monthly bouquet of fresh flowers was that I was worth the money.

Buying myself flowers was just the beginning of my journey to self-love and self-worth.

I began to look for intentional ways to take care of myself which I hadn’t in a very long time. I began to workout with Mr. Quit or Commit at Adult P.E. in Atlanta, Ga. When I walked into the gym I could not step up on a block, squat, lift any substantial amount of weights, and I couldn’t do a push up. Today I am able to do all of those things and more. The biggest lesson that I have learned while working on my physical health, is that I don’t give myself enough credit. Really it was my trainer who taught me that, LOL. Rather than trying to gain a new skill, I would assume that I couldn’t do it so I wouldn’t try it. Now I try things before counting myself out. Working out is not fun for me, but I do understand the importance of physical activity and I’m proud of myself for pouring into myself as much as I have poured into others in the past.

I figured since I started working out I could insert another form of self-care by buying a subscription to Wise Chair Massage in Lithonia, Ga.. This was my stop once a week. I would close the world off for an hour and enjoy my massage. I’d never experienced this kind of chair massage before. They are wonderful! There have been a lot of times that I would’ve talked myself out of doing something like this on a regular basis. At one point I thought that taking care of myself should be behind taking care of everyone else. This is a false narrative and I am not sure where I got it from.

By learning to put some effort into caring for my soul and body I was beginning to get it. I was beginning to understand that I am worth the time and money to work on my well-being. Your journey may look different than mine. Maybe you enjoy candles. Buy a couple of nice candles that you would typically pass over because of the cost. You’re worth it. Maybe you cannot afford a gym membership. Go to the park to walk the trails. Sun is a natural way to boost your mood. Get those endorphins flowing, you’re worth it! Perhaps you can’t go to get a massage chair experience once a week, but at Wise Chair Massage you can give yourself a 30 minute massage for $25. Choose to pamper yourself, you are worth it!