My body does not know the difference between good stress and bad stress. Whenever I am stressed I feel tension in my neck, my stomach feels tight, and I get an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness. This is fine when something is weighing heavy on you, but when you are working towards a goal and the work gets hard but you feel like you’re accomplishing something those are inappropriate responses.
This week I launched my HBCU collection for Worth It and it was a lot of work. There were minor hiccups leading up to the launch, but I had a great deal of support so I should not have been overwhelmed. It was a good stress for me. I believe in the vision of Worth It. I believe that the merchandising of the brand is a way for me to keep the conversation regarding mental health and wellness going. Anyway, this past Sunday before the launch there was a lot going on, but I consider most of it good stress. I was on and off the phone with my printer to make sure I had enough merchandise in stock. Shout out to Benjamin! I was trying to get a video uploaded on social media but Instagram and Facebook didn’t like how I was giving copyright credit so that it took a lot longer than it should’ve. I was also celebrating my cousin’s engagement. Shout out to Mariah and Marcus! All of a sudden it all became too much. I felt the tension in my neck, my stomach was in knots, and I started to feel like a panic attack was coming on. None of it made sense.
I have mentioned in several posts that I have a standing therapy session every Tuesday at noon. I felt it important to speak to my therapist about what took place on Sunday and to process why a moment of excitement and joy nearly led to a panic attack. After discussing it I realize that I associate all stress with bad things. My mind tries to prepare for something to go wrong so I become tense and often miss the opportunity to enjoy some very special moments. I am no longer willing to miss out on special moments.
It's usually the people that are closest to me who are front row to my overwhelmed, and at times erratic, behavior when stressed. Fortunately, I have good friends who will check on me (or check me) during these times. I don't always notice the change in behavior as a result of experiencing stress. I don't always notice the push and the urgency that I place on others when I'm stressed. I don't always notice that I look like I'm on the verge of tears when I'm stressed. I don’t always notice when I become snippy and short when I am stressed. Again, I have great friends who bring it to my attention. Shout out to the Ladies! Wow, 3 shout outs in one post!
I am learning to become more aware of my mood, but I also must become more aware of how I react in certain situations. Things will happen outside of my control. I may become tired, stressed, or overwhelmed. That’s a part of real life. Real life is also about special moments. I am no longer willing to miss moments due to being tired, stressed, or overwhelmed. You can’t get everyday moments or special moments back and I think it is worth the effort to be present and enjoy life. Here’s to you soaking in all of your ordinary moments and special moments because you’re worth it!
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