Miss Simone

I’ve had a low key obsession with Nina Simone from the moment that I first heard her music. The strength in her voice really resonated with me. There was something about it that made me feel connected to her. Let me be clear, I am NOT a singer. I don’t write music. I am a respecter of the craft. The talent that goes into bringing something to life by combining lyrics, melody and vocals is beyond mind blowing.

My intrigue with Miss Simone only grew after I saw an old magazine cover of her. There was something about the look in her eyes that I related to. What was it about her that made me feel so connected? It’s like she was looking at me while looking through me at the same time. I wouldn’t know for years why I felt such a connection to Miss Simone.

Tyler Perry wrote and directed Acrimony. It’s a film about a devoted wife who put her life on hold to support her husband. The couple splits and the wife is unable to reconcile all that she sacrificed only to see her ex-husband’s success after the demise of their marriage. He attempts to show his appreciation by sharing a portion of his monetary success with her. This is not enough and she becomes consumed with his ability to move forward after the divorce. She ultimately loses her mind. I only mention this movie because the soundtrack is full of Nina Simone’s songs. Because the music told the story of this tortured woman so well I needed to know more about Nina Simone.

After watching Acrimony I researched Nina Simone. As I read about her life I understood why I was drawn to her. Nina Simone was bipolar and for more than 20 years she went undiagnosed. While I do not have bipolar, it was approximately 5 to 6 years after having my son that my illness drowned the life that I had once known. Before the birth of my son I had been able to control my “sad” moments. Every now and then I would have a crying spell that I was unable to explain to the person who witnessed it. I often made up something to convince whoever was around that my tears were justified and rooted in rational thoughts.

The more I learned about Nina Simone the more I felt that I was Nina Simone (don’t worry I don’t mean literally).There are so many questions that go through my mind as it relates to Miss Simone. I wonder if Miss Simone recognized that she had a mental illness or if she thought what she was experiencing was normal because this was true for me. I wonder if she immediately accepted her mental illness because it was an explanation for her behavior because that was not my truth. I wonder if she felt the same resentment towards her illness that she felt toward the racism that kept her from her dream of becoming a classical pianist because I resented depression way more than I resented my ex-husband when he admitted having an affair.

I have a love for Nina Simone that goes beyond her ability to write a song and bring it to life. My love for her goes beyond her ability to make piano keys sing. I love Nina Simone because despite her mental illness she impacted people with her gifts. I realize that this is what I should be doing as well. I cannot allow depression to steal my ability to leave an imprint on the world. My gift is worth sharing and your gift is worth sharing too!