My face may not be the face that comes to mind when you think of mental illness. Some will think of the homeless person standing on the side of the road talking to, or arguing with, someone who is not visible to anyone else. Others think of a movie where the patient is being calmed after receiving an injection. How many of you have used the term crazy when discussing a person similar to those described? You might even remember a time that you laughed at your crazy neighbor. Perhaps you’ve even moved to the other side of the street out of fear of a mentally ill person.
I have several degrees. I've been able to keep a job for an extended period of time. I travel. I enjoy the company of new and old friends. I live alone. I have raised my son as a single parent. I attended school meetings and volunteered. I’m not sure if I fit the image that most think of when discussing mental illness, but I have one. It has been my scarlet letter so to speak, my dirty little secret.
Do you think that people with mental illness are unaware of the stigma associated with their illness?! We are very aware. This is why we cry in private, don’t share our true feelings, hesitate to seek out therapy, and all too often refuse medication. The stigma of mental illness gave me a sense of shame at one time. I cared so much about what people would think if they knew my secret so I never spoke about it. My unwillingness to speak about my illness prolonged my suffering. Until I had a mental breakdown my family never talked about my illness either. It was all a secret. Although it's no longer a secret, I still have a number of relatives who have never acknowledged my illness. There was a time that this was fine with me because of the shame that I carried within. This is no longer the case. I’d rather have an uncomfortable conversation than to continue to a feel shame. If you know someone who is showing symptoms of mental illness as questions in a non-threatening manner so that they can share their experience and so that you can learn more.
I made a choice to put my illness out there. If you are uncomfortable it is an issue that you must deal with. I no longer allow others to project their discomfort onto me. The thing about mental illness is we need to face it. The number of lives that could be saved as a result of uncomfortable conversations are worth it! We must start having hard discussions about the reality of mental illness. It may not be pretty but it is very necessary. We have to be willing to grow together and ask uncomfortable questions in order to gain a better understanding of mental illness.
Knowing that an intelligent, African-American, single mother who volunteered with you in the concession stand might have made you think about mental illness differently. Taking away the stigma and putting a face to mental illness is very important to me. I am more than a person with a major depressive disorder. I deserve compassion and understanding. I will not sweep my illness under the rug for your comfort. Learning to accept my illness, and not the stigma associated with it, has taken me time, effort and a lot of therapy. I can now encourage others to learn more about mental illness and to accept those in their lives who suffer from a mental illness. The goal of Worth It is to empower those who may not have felt worthy of all that life offers because of the stereotypes associated with mental illness. We are worth all the good that life brings our way! If it takes me sharing my illness to bring about much needed conversations it is worth it!
Suffering in silence often leads to suicide and breakdowns. Listen to your internal self and talk to someone.