Okay so this might be gross, and definitely TMI, but I can go 3 days without showering. Gross! Yuck! How in the world can you go 3 days without showering?! Are you one of those people who subscribes to not needing a bath everyday? Don't you stink? Well, the fact of the matter is I never set out to go 3 days without showering but when I sink into a major depressive episode it takes a lot.
There are days when I use all of my energy just being. I can wake up at 9 am and lay in my bed until the middle of the afternoon doing absolutely nothing. No TV, no computer, no reading, just nothing. Those are not good mental health days for me. On those days I'm surviving. It's not about why I haven't taken a shower as much as it is about me not being able to shower on those days.
Let me run down what it takes to take a shower. Before you can even start taking a shower you have to make up your mind that you're going to do so. That can wipe a person out when they are in survival mode. Let's say I muster up the energy to decide to take a shower. First, I have to get a towel and a washcloth and that's in the linen closet. Then, I have to get some loungewear or pajamas and that's in the drawer. I know that I'm going to need to moisturize afterwards so I look for my lotion and Vaseline which are housed in a container. Most of the time I put a shower cap on so that my head doesn't get sopping wet. The shower cap is under the cabinet. To prepare I have to take off my dirty clothes and put them in the hamper. That's in my closet. So let's say I'm ready. I go into the bathroom, wash my face, brush my teeth, oil my hair, put on my shower cap, and then get in the shower.
I love a hot shower, so if I get to this point I can breathe in all of the peace of a nice hot shower. There's my first wash which really is just to get my skin ready. My second wash consists of an old school soap. I feel like I know I'm clean after this wash. My final wash is with moisturizing soap. It smells amazing!
Now it's getting out of the shower time. I dry off. I go under the sink and put 2 types of deodorants on and put the shower cap back in its place. I notoriously forget to grab night socks so as soon as I sit on my bed I have to bounce back up and get a pair. I use Vaseline on my feet and put on my night socks. I lotion my upper body and put on a shirt. I lotion my lower body and put on bottoms. The last thing I do is moisturize my face.
Count those steps! Count those minuscule steps! Each of those steps takes more energy than I have to give when I am in a major depressive episode. After the shower I can choose between food and my bed. My bed rarely loses.
I'm sharing this with you because I need you to know that asking me if I'm fine it's not going to tell you how I am mentally. Here are some better questions to ask:
Have you eaten today? Follow up with what’d you eat?
When was the last time you took a shower?
How did you sleep last night? Follow this up with, how long did you sleep?
Are you managing your day to day activities like cleaning the house and grocery shopping?
Have you been able to pay your bills?
I wanted to share this with you for a couple of reasons. The main reason that I shared it is because I want you to be thoughtful and compassionate as you speak to people struggling with their mental stability. If you want to help them or encourage them to seek help. Are you fine and how are you doing aren’t the questions that will bring out substantive responses. Questioning in a firm yet compassionate way is better than being judgemental when you find all of the things that have fallen by the wayside. Remember, the goal is to let them know that they are not alone and that their life is worth living. If this is not a matter that you cannot handle, call Georgia Mental Health Crisis Network at 1.800.715.4225. Call 911 in the case of an immediate emergency. You can also get support from the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1.800.273.8255. Everyone has a bad day, but when that bad day turns into a week and you are no longer able to manage your hygiene or other basic needs it may be time for help, and you're worth it.
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