Please be patient with me. I'm still working on my healing. What I've learned through healing is that it's an up and down process. Sometimes I'm up and sometimes I'm down. What's different this time is I'm more aware of the down so I use my tools to get back up. I shared this because if you catch me during one of my down moments you'll understand that I'm still in my healing.
I posted on my social media yesterday to trust your happiness. Sometimes depression will make you question your healing and the happiness that you're feeling. You'll wonder if you're really in a place of healing or if you've been lying to yourself about your healing. You might not trust that the joy that you're experiencing is real. This too is a part of healing. I believe I've shared before that while I do not like being depressed, it is a feeling that I'm very familiar with. Joy and happiness are emotions that I have had to relearn. While I feel them more than I have in a while I am not as familiar with these emotions and so I don't always trust them.
This time I was experiencing joy like never before. I was on an emotional high. I think that was God's way of reintroducing those emotions to me. I needed to be reminded of what it felt like to be happy. Now that I have the skill set and I have been reminded of what happiness feels like I naturally want to feel happy at all times. This is not realistic. I am learning to appreciate moments of happiness while also managing moments when I'm feeling down. I am also welcoming the feeling of calm that falls in between the highs and lows.
I am choosing to not allow my emotions to control my life. I am learning that I am in control. I am in therapy to learn how to master my emotions. I am learning to trust all emotions. When I am happy I bask in it. When I am sad I talk to someone, spend time in the sun, go to my place of peace, rest, exercise, eat healthy, eat unhealthy, do something productive, or do nothing at all. Whatever I do during those down moments is ok. That's probably the biggest lesson I am learning; not adding guilt on top of my down moments. Taking guilt out of the equation allows me to rebound quicker.
Everyone has emotions. I have a right to feel those emotions authentically. It's not getting stuck in the bad and accepting the good that strengthens me. I am worth it. You're worth it too!
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