It’s funny how things come full circle. I have been posting and blogging about my healing, bettering myself, and living. I really am working hard on all of those things, so when doubt strikes I panic. My emotions have been my enemy for so long that I question whenever I feel full of many emotions. The problem with not trusting your emotions is sometimes you miss out on some great emotions. I’ve been feeling happy and excited about my move, sad that I’ll have to be more intentional with visits, and nervous about what’s to come in a new city. I had to remind myself that my feelings are valid. Well, Lee, my therapist may have pointed me in this direction, but I digress.
Tonight I figured out why God sent me to Columbus. I have been working so hard at proving to those who love and care for me that I would be fine on this new adventure when really I am the one who needed to know that I’d be ok. I am crying as I type this. I’m not sad. I am so happy! I am finally at a place where the hard work is paying off. I am finally at a place where I can enjoy all that life has to offer. I know very well that things will not be perfect. I am well aware that I still have work to do, but I also know that I am ready. I can do this!
You have to understand the journey to understand where all of this is coming from. I always had it pretty easy. Life wasn’t easy, but I had it easy. I was always sickly but I was always taken care of. I have quirks but I was never teased. I am definitely a lot to handle but I have always had a big circle of people who were willing to love me as I am. I was good in school. I tried out for various activities and I didn’t make them all. When I wasn’t successful it was never personal. I had enough that was good that I never focused on the things that I needed to improve in.
Yes, I have battled with depression my entire life but I am a glass half full kinda person so I never let my depression impact my life. That was true until it wasn’t. When my depression began to take over my life I was too far gone to fight it. I missed moments that I will never get back. I absolutely hate that! I mean I am big mad about how it robbed me of so many moments!
Thank God that is my past. I still have depression and yes I still struggle from time to time but I am so much stronger than I once was. I have faith in my healing and where I am right now. The next time someone says, “Why’d you move to Columbus?” I will be able to give them an answer. I moved to Columbus because I’m ok. I am worth all of the good that this move will bring, and I want you to know that you are worth all the good that your life will bring too!
Awesome!!! 💖