I have been driven by my emotions for much of my life. Learning to control them and learning to have self control in spite of them has been a challenge. Most of the time I've lived in a reactive state. This isn't necessarily healthy because if you're reacting to negative or irrational thoughts then your reactions may not be rooted in truth. I'm working very hard to control my emotions. Sometimes it's easy peasy. Other times I fail miserably.
Why is this a topic that's worth discussing? Well, last week was a very exciting week for me. I closed on my new home. After my closing I could hardly contain myself. I was in a state of bliss. It is almost a week later and I continue to feel elated. That’s pretty normal for some people. It's a learned skill for me. Most people would be happy without thought. They’d relish in the future possibilities, whereas naturally I'd instantly begin to worry about the possibility that something could go wrong.
The fact that I can stay present in this joyous moment and continue to feel that joy for an extended period of time means I have come a long way. My therapist and I actually talked about it yesterday. She mentioned that she could see the joy on my face. I beamed!
If you're wondering what has changed. It’s not me. I mean I put in the work, but I give it all to God. I may have a thought of calamity but I don't hold on to it. I work through why it's a rational or irrational thought. There's a scripture that I stand on that really helps me to put myself in check when I want to control my emotions instead of allowing them to control me. 2 Corinthians 10: 5b ESV states, "we are to capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ."
I also continue to talk through my feelings to identify what is rational and what is not. When things are not rational I self-talk. I control my thoughts by telling myself facts that go against the irrational thoughts that I'm having. I also read a lot of scripture. If something is unsettling I try to find scripture to combat it. Finally, and I'm sure I've said this before, I don't keep secrets. If something is bothering me or changes my mood I share it with my support system. They check me. They don't allow my mental illness to become an appendage. They will tell me straight up when my thoughts are irrational and when they are rational. If something is bothering me I share it, and my support system helps me work through it.
I don't accept every negative and irrational thought that comes into my mind anymore. I challenge them independently, in therapy, with scripture and with those who I trust and who love me. Whereas there was a time that I would yield to my emotions and possibly crumble, I now take my emotions under my control. I want to encourage you not to give in to negative or irrational thoughts during your happy moments.Happiness is a gift to be treasured. It took me some time to understand that I was worth every moment of happiness and joy that I received. You're worth it too!
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